Here's something to make you laugh!

One day my Grandma was out, and my Grandpa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Grandpa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Grandma came home. 

My Grandpa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because (as he put it) it was 'just the cutest thing!' 

Grandma waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grandpa, and she watched him drink it up. Then she said, (as only a Grandma would know), "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"

Emoticons and their meanings

Did you know that western emoticons can be different to eastern ones?  Have you ever been confused because you didn't understand an emoticon?  Or have you ever wanted to use one, but not known the emoticon for the emotion that you feel?

Well, here is a table to help you!
This can also help you learn adjectives to describe feelings in English!

Icon	Meaning
:-) :) :o) :] :3 :c) :> =] 8) =) :} :^) :っ)	Smiley or happy face.
:-D :D 8-D 8D x-D xD X-D XD =-D =D =-3 =3 B^D	Laughing, big grin, laugh with glasses
:-))	Very happy or double chin[
>:[ :-( :(  :-c :c :-<  :っC :< :-[ :[ :{	Frown, unhappy
:-|| :@ >:(	Angry
:'-( :'(	Crying
:'-) :')	Tears of happiness
D:< D: D8 D; D= DX v.v D-':	Horror, disgust, sadness, great dismay
>:O :-O :O 8-0	Surprise, shock, yawn
:* :^* ( '}{' )	Kiss, couple kissing
;-) ;) *-) *) ;-] ;] ;D ;^) :-,	Wink, smirk
>:P :-P :P X-P x-p xp XP :-p :p =p :-Þ :Þ :þ :-þ :-b :b	Tongue sticking out, cheeky/playful, blowing a raspberry
>:\ >:/ :-/ :-. :/ :\ =/ =\ :L =L :S >.<	Skeptical, annoyed, undecided, uneasy, hesitant
:| :-|	Straight face, no expression, indecision
:$	Embarrassed, blushing
:-X :X :-# :#	Sealed lips or wearing braces
O:-) 0:-3 0:3 0:-) 0:) 0;^)	Angel, saint, innocent
>:) >;) >:-)	Evil
}:-) }:) 3:-) 3:)	Devilish
o/\o ^5 >_>^ ^<_<	High five
|;-) |-O	Cool, bored/yawning
:-& :&	Tongue-tied (you don’t know what to say)
#-)	You partied all night
%-) %)	You’re drunk or confused
:-###.. :###..	Being sick
<:-|	Dumb, stupid
<*)))-{ ><(((*> ><>	Fish, something's fishy, Christian fish
\o/	Cheering: "Yay, yay."

Merry Christmas

Every boot that marched in battle and every uniform stained with blood will be destroyed and thrown into the fire. ⁶ This will happen when the special child is born. God will give us a son who will be responsible for leading the people. His name will be “Wonderful Counselor, Powerful God, Father Who Lives Forever, Prince of Peace.” ⁷ His power will continue to grow, and there will be peace without end. This will establish him as the king sitting on David’s throne and ruling his kingdom. He will rule with goodness and justice forever and ever. The strong love^[b] that the Lord All-Powerful has for his people will make this happen!

Isaiah 9: 5 - 7 (Easy-To-Read Version of the Holy Bible)

English is a funny language...

Red Nose Day!

Red Nose day helps raise money to fund cures and better treatments for conditions like childhood cancer, heart disease, asthma, and many more life-threatening illnesses that mean the children affected often miss out on a normal childhood.

Funny :-)

Fun class

Quiz answers!

 Here are the corrections from yesterday's grammar quiz.  I have put extra notes in brackets.

 Do you like Would you like to work in one of the world's largest business businesses? Don't miss this exciting business opportunity.
Our Corporation wants to broad broaden our activity in the New Zealand. ("Broad" is an adjective, "broaden" is the verb).  We are seeking for self-motivated worker workers to help us expand our business in New Zealand sector.   in the New Zealand sector. 
 
To get in candidates:  To apply candidates must: or Essential requirements:
- 18+ age Be over 18 or 18+ (without "age")
- Must be proficiency in computer, be proficient with or have proficiency in computers / computer packages especially in MS Office (Word, Excel, Outlook)
- Part & Full time positions, Work-from-Home positions 2-6 hours per day
- Bases salary ranges Base salaries range from or the base salary range is from 5000 to 6000 NZD monthly depending on working shift. shifts / which shifts you work / shift hours
- Candidates must be smart and motivated.
 
Customer service and administrative positions are available.
 
No relocation is essential!  necessary!
 
Interested person people should write back respond to this e-mail. ("write back" is too casual.  This is a formal advertisement).
 
Thank you for your interest.


Notes
We don't use the article "the" with countries, unless they are groups of islands or states.
New Zealand
China
Korea
Japan
not the Japan


but:
the United States
the United Kingdom
The Philippines
The Caribbean
The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

Prepositions:
These are difficult - you need to memorize, study and revise which prepositions go with which verbs.
Look for something
Seek something (no preposition)


Do you need help improving your English writing skills?  Contact me for more information!

Find the grammar and vocabulary mistakes!

This was written by a non-native speaker of English.  I have highlighted the mistakes.  Can you correct them?

Answers tomorrow!

Do you like to work in one of the world's largest business? Don't miss exciting business opportunity.
Our Corporation wants to broad our activity in the New Zealand. We are seeking for self-motivated worker to help us expand our business in New Zealand sector.
 
To get in candidates:
- 18+ age
- Must be proficiency in computer, especially in MS Office (Word, Excel, Outlook)
- Part & Full time positions, Work-from-Home positions 2-6 hours per day
- Bases salary ranges from 5000 to 6000 NZD monthly depending on working shift.
- Candidates must be smart and motivated.
 
Customer service and administrative positions are available.
 
No relocation is essential!
 
Interested person should write back to this e-mail.
 
Thank you for your interest.

Awesome adjectives: bold

A bold person is a person who is brave and confident in themselves.  It is used more to do with your interactions with people rather than to do with activities.  The meaning is positive.

Compare:
"He's so bold, yesterday when he saw a really pretty girl he went over to her and asked for her phone number."
"He's so brave, he's been sky-diving and bungy-jumping lots of times."
"She boldly told her boss that she didn't agree with him."
"He was very brave.  He went into the burning house and rescued the child."
"They were very bold and went over to Will Smith and asked for his autograph."

Adverb:  boldly
Antonyms (opposite adjectives):  afraid, cowardly, fearful, meek, shy, timid, weak

It also is the word we use to describe this - bold font!  The meaning is similar - bold font is stronger and it stands out more than normal font.

A flower and a party!

Thanks for the party!

Grammar Quiz - spot the mistakes - solution!

"In addition, one of the key roles of the co ordinator co-ordinator is to producing produce marketing and advertising meterials materials such as videos making, brochures and magazines as well as promoting (the company) via numerous diverse sources of offline tools like Facebook, Twitter, Youtume etc.
Accordingly a senior level of practical work experience are is essential and qualifications are can be advantageous."


Here is a corrected version - 

One of the key roles of the co-ordinator is to produce marketing and advertising materials such as videos, brochures and magazines.  The successful applicant will also be responsible for online promotion using social media such as Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc.

Experience in a similar role at a senior level is essential.  Relevant qualifications will be an advantage.

The author of this advertisement has very poor English writing skills despite being in a senior level position in an English speaking country.  Do you find it difficult to write in English too?  Don't be like him/her but get help with your English writing skills now!

Contact me for more information!

Quiz - find the mistakes!

This is a job advertisement I saw today.  The person who wrote it doesn't have an advanced level of English and there are lots of mistakes.  Can you find them?

"In addition, one of the key role of the co ordinator is to producing marketing and advertising meterials such as video making, brochures and magazines as well as promoting via numerous diverse source of offline tools like Facebook, Twitter, Youtume etc.
Accordingly senior level of practical work experience are essential and qualification can be advantageous."

There are at least eight errors!

Easy English video - good practice!

  Great easy English for practicing listening skills!

Grammar Quiz explanation!

I lived in Rome. This means I don't live in Rome anymore.  This is the past simple tense.
 
I've lived in Paris, London and Los Angeles.  This means I know all these cities now.  This is the present perfect tense for past experiences with no time/date.
 
I've been living in London for 5 years.  This means I'm living there now.  The present perfect continuous tense is used to emphasize the length of time.
 
I'm living in London.  This is the present continuous tense - and it means that usually I live somewhere else, I'm only in London temporarily.  If London is your home, you would say I live in London.

Grammar quiz!

What are the different tenses in these sentences, and what are the differences in meaning?

I lived in Paris.
I've lived in Paris, London and Los Angeles.
I've been living in London for 5 years.
I'm living in London.

Awesome adjectives: quaint

quaint

[kweynt] 

This means - attractive/interesting and also old-fashioned - old style. 

It has a positive meaning.

Examples:

A quaint village

An old, quaint house

A quaint green door

A quaint shop

A quaint bar

Comparative and superlative:  quainter, quaintest
Adverb:  quaintly
Noun:  quaintness

Antonyms  (opposites): ordinary, modern, new

Grammar quiz answer

Are both of these sentences correct or not?  Why?  What's the difference? 

1)  He's been married three times.
2)  He married three times.

Both sentences are correct.

The first sentence uses the present perfect tense, because the man is not dead.  He's still alive, so his life isn't finished.  Maybe he will marry again.

The second sentence uses the past simple tense,  because the man is dead.  His life is finished, so he won't marry again!

Note - "married" can be both used as an adjective, and as a verb.

"He's married" - this is an adjective.
"He married his wife last year" - this is a verb in the past simple tense.

It is more common to say "get married" rather than "marry".
E.g.  "They got married last year."  "She is getting married in December."  (Instead of "she is going to marry in December" or "They married last year".

A little grammar quiz!

Are both of these sentences correct or not?  Why?  What's the difference? 

1)  He's been married three times.
2)  He married three times.

Read the answer here tomorrow!